Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
