a search helicopter?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
