pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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