Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
