Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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