naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
