dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
