Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
