he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is Oprah even human
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize