That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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