O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
