Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
