He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will be naked everywhere
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
