I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
