Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My vagina is officially offended.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
