Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The power of my boobs compel you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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