My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
