u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
