If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
