I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
