Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
