i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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