Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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