ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
