saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
