I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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