Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
