I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
