There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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