woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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