Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
