He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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