I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
