Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
