Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
