I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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