Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
