the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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