just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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