eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize