I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was CRYING into my vagina
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize