Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
