she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize