Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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