I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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