sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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