i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
