He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
