I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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