Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
