I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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