First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
