Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
