Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
