Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
