apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
