dude i'm inner monologue high
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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