this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
