Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
