I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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