So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
