I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Houston, we have a blender
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize