I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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