Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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