he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize