When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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